Humour Archives

What can happen when Human Resources apparatchiks forget about human beings

June 26, 2020

At the GAA, we have a nagging worry about ‘Human Resources’ experts leading the CAA and interacting with real, live aviation professionals. This fear has been strengthened by a cautionary tale, related by someone who was there when it happened… Our CAA’s Australian counterpart CASA did a revamp driven by HR personnel (one of many revamps, possibly carried out under corporate obfuspolicy such as …

The Ministry of Transport can hardly move a muscle. Here is some evidence

February 14, 2015

Following the last election, and the long overdue departure of Gerry Brownlee as Minister of Transport (arguably the CAA’s least competent overlord in living memory) to his new role in protecting our great nation as Minister of Defence, we must now work with two new faces: Simon Bridges as Minister of Transport and Tukituki National MP Craig Foss, Associate Minister of Transport, responsible for …

More Yakkety Yak from the CAA – The forecast is TURB (MOD/SEV) for Asteron House

November 13, 2013

From November 14, by decree of the International Civil Aviation Organisation (and, as always, in the interests of safety), general aviators’ weather forecasts will be more difficult to decode. The use of actual place names (or their abbreviations) in SIGMETs is henceforth banned, to be replaced by latitude and longitude references. Presiding over this latest imposition of potty rules created by aliens are the …

The Dilbert Principle of 21st Century Management

November 2, 2013

While walking the short distance between our hotel and Parliament, along Featherston Street with a following gale and against the flow of black-clad pedestrians, Des Lines and I played a game of I Spy A Smile. “First one to spot ten smiley people earns lunch at Rydges Hotel”. This was a prize not to be sniffed at, but neither of us won. Gazing upon …

You lose some, you WINZ some: Chuckle at this hearth-warming Winter’s Tale

July 31, 2013

Pity the poverty-stricken New Zealand helicopter pilot. Jobs are very hard to find these days, unless you flee the country for Canada’s Arctic North – or other hostile territory. The only upside to New Zealand’s short winter days and even shorter wages is the onset of the frost-protection season, with the prospect of lucrative pre-dawn work to keep a few logs on the wood-burning …

Per Ardua, add Astronomical insurance cover…

March 20, 2013

When Hermann Goering’s Luftwaffe threatened to destroy Great Britain and cast the world into a new Dark Age, you only needed a few hours solo to pilot a Spitfire. Per Ardua Ad Astra, or “Through Adversity to the Stars”, they used to say in those good old days… But to fly your private aeroplane into Ohakea and view the remains of our Royal New …

An urgent message to all owners of Rotax-powered Bell helicopters

March 8, 2013

The Civil Aviation Authority would like you to know that there may be a potentially serious leak in your chopper. On March 7, it issued Emergency Airworthiness Directive EASA AD 2013-055EE, concerning reports of non-compliant cylinder head assemblies on a Rotax engine during a production test run. The envelope had a CRITICAL TO FLIGHT SAFETY imprint on it. In BIG RED CAPITAL letters. And …

Have you ever wondered? Part 2

March 5, 2013

Why does Change seem so hard to achieve in New Zealand, while failure, mediocrity and conformity are accepted with barely a bleat? The challenge of Change doesn’t just apply to aviation. With some councils, it also applies to repainting your mortgage-free dunny in a different colour. Change almost always involves confrontation (and sometimes conflict) with Rules. And Rules are imposed to discourage Change. This …

For $313, why not get up really close and personal?

February 17, 2013

Purchasers of Rolls-Royces or Bentleys would never dream of paying online. It’s so vulgar. They expect a chauffeur to pick them up, along with the chequebook, and ferry them to the showroom. Complimentary Champagne is often a feature of such transactions. Now, we’re not expecting such a high level of service from the Civil Aviation Authority. But with CAA labour charges now well north …

Babel In The Sky With Diamonds

February 15, 2013

by Peter L Collins I’m a flier in a club, and we all want safety, but here’s the rub, those people out there who make the rules, (some of my friends say they must be fools), have told us what frequencies we must use, (which some of my friends do quite refuse), when we tell them where we are, to avoid a collision, (which …

Category: Humour